I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
