please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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