you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
