Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
