i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
