Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
