your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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