Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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