i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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