I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Randomize
