I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
