Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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