HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
