Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
