what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
