well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
