I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
