he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
