If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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