Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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