it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
