I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I have feelings that need drinking.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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