so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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