We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
