Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
