When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
