if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
