I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
