I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
