Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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