Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
