I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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