Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
