Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
