The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
