its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
