I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
