I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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