So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
