when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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