O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
