So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
