grandma shit on top of the toilet
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
