I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I touched a dick in church today
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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