kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
