i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
