You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
