I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
