girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
