did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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