He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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