i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
We smell like vodka and hangover
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